Last week was not one of the easiest and most pleasant weeks for me. It felt like I was carrying so much weight on my shoulders and there was just this heavy feeling around me. You know when people say " everything that could go wrong, went wrong"....well that was me last week. I was slowly going back to a time in my life where darkness was just looming all around me. I could feel myself slipping into depression, thoughts that were coming to my mind were filled with such darkness, condemnation, disappointment and sadness. I knew that something was wrong but you know when you are in such a state it's very easy for you to snap out of it.

So on Thursday, I felt like just being left alone sothat i could "think". And as I was alone, I was coming up with ways in which I could commit suicide. I was ready to take my life, but I just got this urge to read the word of God. I was trying so hard to suppress that urge, but I just wouldn't go away. So here at my place we have prayer sessions everyday at 9, so I was like, lemme go to the prayer and then when everyone is asleep I'll just end it all. So I went to the session, and one of my sisters was sharing about healing, being healed on the inside, she said that what we need is the Holy Spirit, who is at work in us. When I heard that, just at that moment I just needed my Father to comfort me and tell me that all is well. I realised that what I needed at that time was an embrace from my Father..I needed that reassurance that I still matter and the I would me it. I needed a reminder that His word won't return to Him without fulfilling it's purpose. And most of all, I really needed comfort. And that night I got it, and I made a decision that I would trust my Heavenly Father with all of me.

I decided that I would no longer lean on my own understanding, but that whatever it is that I'm going through, I will trust him fully. And even though sometimes the habit of leaning on my own understanding comes, i make a choice there and then to trust God and lean wholly on Him.

With this, I want to encourage someone who feels as if nothing good can come out of the life that you are living. I want to encourage someone that is merely existing and not living the life the God has given you to the fullest because of the weight that you are carrying on your shoulders, i want to let you know that you are not alone. Remember that God said that He I'll never leave you nor forsake you. And today I want to challenge you, regardless of what your life looks like right now,to make a decision to trust the One who created you and formed you in your mother's womb. Learn to talk to Him, tell Him what you need, He is faithful and He will answer you one way or another.  Why am I so sure when I say He will answer you? Because He did it for me.

Allow the Holy Spirit to comfort you, touch you.  Talk to Him, He is listening. Don't listen to that voice that is whispering in your ears kill yourself, you don't matter anyway", it's a lie from the enemy. You matter, you are loved, you are called to a higher life, you are God's precious possession, when He looks at you, He is pleased, because He created you and when He was done he saw that His creation was good and it pleased Him.

God's got our backs, let's not give up in pursuing Him and seeking to fulfill the assignment that He has placed inside of us.

WE SHALL RUN AND NOT GROW WEARY!

♡With love.....
Siyanelisa ♡